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Featured Companies. Bahi Ajman Palace Hotel 5. Caesars Palace Dubai. DMG Events 5. Canal Central Hotel 3. Featured Suppliers. It left me feeling like my only purpose would be that of purchaser of stuff, cleaner of the house and maker of the dinner. We brainstormed ineffectively over what I could do and where my things could live.
Our dining room table is not a good place to sew. I had been waiting for over a year to work on the room and get it completed. That was before termite issues and other fun family drama. For me it was a long time coming. I am sure the boys felt the same way.
At this point I needed to keep moving forward. As the room is an interesting shape we knew the nook area within the room was going to turn into a workstation Rent-a-Dad and the boys. So that was one problem tackled. I kept packing and wondering; and packing and wondering. Then over the course of one very sleepless night a thought came to me.
Sure all my supplies would have to be boxed up and kept of reach but when I needed them I would have my own work station. The work station could then be used by the whole family for anything from homework to folding laundry. Later that day I ran the idea by Rent-a-Dad. He liked the idea too. At this point I felt a great weight lifting from my shoulders. Often I feel like I am the one who has to make her next opportunity possible. Sitting around waiting for things to happen has never worked for me.
If waiting is involved I need to be working on another project while I am waiting. Growing up I spent so much time wanting my kids to know who I am that I suddenly felt worried that I had botched that all up. I had to ask myself if I had compromised too much. In so many ways I am a much different person than I was at 20 but in so many more ways I am exactly the same. Something as simple as putting a desk in our family room helped me see that clearer than before. Just like that, all was put back into perspective and I no longer felt slowly erased.
For a while though I was admittedly feeling a little lost. I just needed a moment to sit back and see I was still me. A moment where I knew I am still an artist, a seamstress, a dreamer and so much more. Things like not reading nearly as much as I used to seemed like small pieces of the picture instead of big systemic issues.
The realization was not lost on me that while these aspects may seem hidden at times, that when they do get to got o the ball they still very much shine. I am not gone or slowly being erased. I still remain. This is one of those times where I created the picture long before the post. Sometime this past fall I had gone through all of the photos from this summer that I had taken as well as ones Rent-a-Dad had. In the process I created a file for our blog with photos I could use for posts or ones that I felt would be good with a quote or something inspirational.
The photo captured one of those rare moments from that trip where it felt like everything was just perfect. So much bad and truly weird stuff had happened on our trip to the beach last summer but so much really nifty and awesome moments also happened. In the end this picture defined for me something that took me a long time to realize: I am enough. In this photo I was captured showing my nephew how much fun the ocean could be. I shared my love of the water.
The photo reminded me of the moments racing into the water giggling and chasing the waves as they in turn chased us. My nephew just knows we had so much fun that day and that is what mattered. No, for him I was enough that day. I am the baby of my generation both with my extended and immediate family.
Therefore I know what it is like to be constantly compared by others to a sibling, a cousin, a classmate, and my peers. How those comparisons at times led to feelings of inadequacy and eventually led to my over comparing myself to everyone around me. A companion to those feelings was this constant sensation of waiting for something. When you are constantly compared to those around you, time can sometimes feel like your biggest enemy.
Either you have too much or too little of it. In my case the pendulum has swung both ways over the years. Looking back at my youth I spent a good amount of time being told I had to wait until I was older to accomplish certain tasks. I was once told by a family friend that adolescence was both a blessing and a curse; that I would have to bide my time; and that I would understand more as I grew up.
While my waiting to be enough started with comparisons and developing feelings of inadequacies, my true waiting for everything to fall into place began with that advice. I was waiting to be grown up enough to understand. Over the years the waiting to be enough went from waiting to pay off student loans or taking care of ailing family members to finding a good home, the right job and being able to start a family.
Once we get the house and pay off the student loans we can start a family; once I get my parents figured out I will have more time for myself or my marriage; and so on. For all of that, and more, I am enough! I may not have any traditional family photos like I see plastered all over Facebook, but what I do have is true to who I am and what my family has become! Whenever I have doubts about anything all I have to do is look at this photo and I am calm.
This photo reminds me I am enough.
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